Author Henry Cloud Discusses the Importance of Human Connection at the Well

As students head into the holiday season, Pepperdine University's Hub for Spiritual Life invited Henry Cloud, psychologist and prolific author of The New York Times best-selling Boundaries, to deliver a message at the Well. Whether one is traveling or staying home for the holidays, Cloud discussed how to navigate family and friendship dynamics, as well as how to approach genuine connection with others. 

Cloud addressing the audience

Held on November 5, 2025, the Well service opened with a selection of songs performed by WAVES WORSHIP, the University's worship collective. Followed by an introduction by vice president for spiritual life Tim Spivey (’97, MS ’00, MDiv ’00), Cloud greeted the audience while wheeling out a large whiteboard with markers in hand. While illustrating key points of his message, he acknowledged that upcoming holiday visits bring their own set of joys and challenges, due largely to the quality of connection with relatives and peers.

“Everybody, whether they know it or not, is searching for connection,” said Cloud. “Science, including everything we know about human thriving, and the Bible tell us that the state of our hearts needs to be matched in a relationship. The Bible says, ‘Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep. Comfort the brokenhearted. Encourage the faint hearted.’ We call this empathy and understanding, and trust grows out of these behaviors.”

Beginning in childhood, Cloud said, positive and negative interactions reinforce a person’s attitudes toward connecting with others and expectations for how they should be treated. He explained that unprocessed emotional pain often gets stuck in the brain’s limbic system when a person is involved long term in an unhealthy connection. But once a sincere connection is made, when a person is understood and cherished for who they are, the brain illuminates in dormant regions and pain begins “to be flushed out of the system.”  

Congregants worshipping

Cloud closed by encouraging Pepperdine students to cultivate genuine connections by understanding their own needs and making a concerted effort to understand those of their peers. By adopting an intentionally empathetic mindset, one can enter this holiday season with greater purpose as bearers of God’s love and grace.

“Real connection brings out more of who you are,” Cloud explained. “In 1 Peter 4 it says that when we’re loving one another and using our gifts with one another, we're administering the grace of God in its various forms.” 

On November 6, following his appearance at the Well, Cloud hosted a conversation on Building a Secure Foundation at the Payson Library Surfboard Room in partnership with the Boone Center for Family’s Relationship IQ program. Cloud was recently featured in an episode of The PeppTalk Podcast, where he expanded upon his message delivered at the Well. 

Current first-year student Irene Park attends the Well weekly and shared that worshipping with her peers “warms her heart” while providing a comfortable space to meet new people. 

“Dr. Cloud’s message opened my eyes to how I should seek good, healthy connections with my friends and family,” Park shared. “He said that often when people have no connections, they settle for bad connections. This makes me grateful for opportunities like the Well where I can spend quality time with my friends.” 

Students wrote their hopes for the holiday season on post-it notes

For Lexi Thomas, Seaver senior and current track athlete, the Well has become a cherished part of her weekly routine. The physical endurance required for her sport, Thomas shares, has called for her to deepen her faith as she relies on God for strength and spiritual sustenance. She expressed appreciation for opportunities such as Cloud’s appearance at the Well, where the Hub for Spiritual Life invites prominent thinkers to share messages relevant to students’ well-being, emotional maturity, and sense of greater purpose. 

“I appreciated Dr. Cloud's biblical approach to emotional intelligence,” said Thomas. “Principles of the Bible renew our minds while teaching us how to love others. If we are intentional about treating people as God's creation, we can connect genuinely, making for healthier relationships.” 

All members of the Pepperdine community are invited to attend the Well every Wednesday at 8 PM at the Amphitheatre on the Malibu campus. For more information, please visit the Hub for Spiritual Life website.